Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
