We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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