Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
