You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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