I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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