I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
