Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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