also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize