Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
