He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
