Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
