I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
