he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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