I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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