i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
