I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
