I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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