i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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