why didn't you poke me back
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
