I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wish there were birth control emojis
Liz is crying about burritos again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
