I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
