Swine flu. Run for my life!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
