My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize