Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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