I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
