Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
