I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
