i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
