smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
