she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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