I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no, he came in my armpit
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
