I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
