Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
