I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
