I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
