My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
