Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
