my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
