Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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