Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
