he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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