Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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