Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
