i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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