On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize