No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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