So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
