This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
