dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
