Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
