So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every concussion has its silver lining
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
