he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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