You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
