So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
