nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
