What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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