Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize