I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My penis needs a shock collar
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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