I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
this is an emotional support booty call
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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