He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize