Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
how drunk are you?
Several
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
