It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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