Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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