i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
