My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
