Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
