he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize