does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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