Umm I'm too high to move.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
