I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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