Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
