yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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