Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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