I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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