I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
