sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
