his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize