He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
