U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
