Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
