I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
