when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
wow bdsm is so cute
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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