Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
