Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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