please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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