the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
