I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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