Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
