party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
