If that was your dad, he is hot
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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