Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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