the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
