I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Alive.
So much puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
