Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize