i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
