New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
