ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
