In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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