Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
