I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
