i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize