Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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