Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
