If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His hands were made for my vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize