Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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