dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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